Ups and Downs of Motherhood

I love 90% of the experience of being a mother, but the last 10% can be a real challenge sometimes. One of the things I've been finding very challenging about parenting a toddler is that they want to talk all.the.time (at least that's the way it seems). Mac and I are both kind of quiet and introverted and neither of us wants to talk to anyone ALL the time. Most of the time, I very much enjoy talking to Seda. I like hearing what she's thinking about, and how she's learning about the world. Sometimes she has new ideas which are interesting or funny. Even when she wants to talk about things I don't care about (What did the man say at the grocery store? Why is the cat hiding under the bed? Why are we going down this street?) I mostly enjoy the conversations because I know she's learning and I think it's fun to try to explain things in a way that a 2-1/2 year old can understand.

BUT, sometimes I just don't want to talk about the street light or the antics of the Backyardigans or whether it's sunny or cloudy today or why I turned on Manchester. Sometimes I just want to listen to the radio. Sometimes I want to sit quietly and watch TV. Sometimes I just want to get done with what I'm doing without being interrupted 49 million times.

It would be great if, at this point, you could just say, "Seda, could you please be quiet for a while? I'd like to listen to the radio for a while." This does not work, trust me. Seda thinks I'm mad at her or she's in trouble and then she WAILS and cries unconsolably, which is 1,000 times worse than the conversation was. And even if she's in a mood where she doesn't take this request wrong, she only remembers it for a max of 3 minutes. Three minutes later, she's asking questions again.

Sigh! So, what's to be done? Well, I've struggled with how to handle this without it driving me insane, and the best option I've come up with is distraction. If I happen to have a favorite toy handy or a movie she likes or can direct her to go bother daddy for a while, all usually turns out well. Usually. Sometimes not. And sometimes we are trapped in a car and there's nothing I can do to distract her. I'm still working on the best solution to this, but waiting it out might be the answer. The one truly great thing about kids is that they, inevitably, grow and change. Don't like something about this phase? Wait it out for six months!

A larger, more important point for me, though, is that I think these really difficult times are some of the most valuable experiences in parenting. They have really taught me to be a better person - more patient, more loving, more understanding, more attuned to the needs of others. It's learning to deal with the hard parts of parenting that really help you grow as a person. You have to learn to put your immediate, selfish, irrational desires on hold and deal with the situation with compassion, awareness, cleverness, and sometimes some sneakiness. These are skills that are directly transferable to the work world, too! You'd be surprised at how often they come in handy in a meeting.

As another example, I think my managerial skills have been immesurably improved by being a mother. Part of being a mother is being a persuasive, visionary leader. You have to inspire this little person to see what you want to do and buy into it with passion. Yes, you could drag the toddler to the store, but trust me, you don't want to - you want to convince them that going to buy clothes is FUN! EXCITING! REWARDING! As a mother, you have to learn to deal with tantrums, reluctance, boredom without losing your cool. And if you can develop those skills and apply them at work, your company and your team members will benefit.

These are some of my favorite recent Seda photos:

I don't know WHAT is going on in this first photo. I came home from work one day and she was out back with daddy dressed like this. . . .

This is a picture of Seda with some of her friends in the neighborhood. There are kids her age on our block, but she prefers older girls, and they think she is great:

And this is Seda being cute playing in the sand. Doesn't she look like such a big kid!