I Might Go At Any Time!!
I've realized that I have to be very careful from now on out not to make any sudden movements. Every time I do anything unexpected, someone things I've gone into labor. I was out walking a week ago, and bent down to tie my shoe. A woman came out of her house and said, "You scared me! I thought for sure your water had broken!!" Over the weekend, I was walking along and a bug bit my leg, so I slapped it and said, "ouch!" The people I was walking with stopped and came rushing over to me to make sure I was okay. When I went to pick Mac up from work a couple of days ago, I arrived early. I very hurriedly went in the building to use the restroom before Mac got off work. Apparently, Mac's co-workers told him later that they were concerned that I was rushing into the building because I might need some HELP from them.
So, I can either start taking care not to make any sudden movements ... OR I can start enjoying my newfound power and use it strategically. When I want to get through a crowded line quickly, I just have to start moaning and clutching my abdomen! If I want the last piece of cake, I just need to pretend to get lightheaded and swoon a little from low blood sugar! If I don't want to get up and get the remote control, I just have to clutch my leg like it's cramping up on me! Oh, the power!
posted by Robin @ 6:29 PM
6 Comments:
Hey, go into labor at the party--we need some excitement!
Also,
"Thar she blows!"
haha thats funny!
P.S. I'm driving myself crazy trying to find out how to make my pictures fade in and out like yours on our website. LOL.
Ah, it's the magic of Javascript, Stephany. I can send you the script I'm using, if you know enough to be able to install it on your page.
For your reading pleasure:
How to prepare for nursing
By: Melissa Balmain
Baby Talk October 2005
Day 1: Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.
Day 2: At bedtime, set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings, spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamed in a pair of chip clips.
Day 3: Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker, then stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing "I Feel Pretty".
Day 4: Open your already-crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.
Day 5: Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on "medium pile". Turn off vacuum when nipple is 3 inches long. Switch breasts.
Day 6: Obtain "DO NOT CROSS" tape from your local police station, then wrap firmly around your chest. When your spouse asks about it, say, "Get used to it."
Day 7: Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other to balance a sack of squirming puppies.
Day 8: Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.
Day 9: Record your mother proclaiming, "Just give the baby some cereal like God intended, and she'll sleep right through the night." Play in an endless loop at 1AM, 3AM and 5AM.
Day 10: Slather your breasts with peanut butter, top with birdseed and stand very still in your backyard.
Day 11: Go someplace public- a museum, a courthouse, the steps of your office building- and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll's arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign a nonchalant smile.
Day 12; Suckle a wolverine.
Congratulations! You are now ready to nurse a baby.
Check it out -- the baby slider at the bottom's reached the end! How exciting!
(granted, it's not as exciting as the main event, but still...)
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